Verse

Matthew 7:3-5

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Quote

Helen Keller,

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."

Joke

What does a sprinter eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast

Verse

Malachi 4:1,2

“Surely the day is coming; it will burn like a furnace. All the arrogant and every evildoer will be stubble, and the day that is coming will set them on fire,” says the Lord Almighty. “Not a root or a branch will be left to them. But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its rays. And you will go out and frolic like well-fed calves.

Quote

Shel Silverstein,

"How much good inside a day? Depends how good you live 'em. How much love inside a friend? Depends how much you give' em."

Joke

Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarter back.

Verse

Ephesians 1:13,14

And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.

Quote

Nicky Gumbel,

"Today is the oldest you have ever been, and the youngest you will ever be. Make the most of it."

Joke

A man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back. "I am a turtle," he says. "Who's on your back?"

"That's Michelle."

Verse

Galatians 5:22-26

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

Quote

Theodore Roosevelt, "It is only through labor and painful effort, by grim energy and resolve courage, that we move on to better things."

Joke

Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby?

Because she was a little horse.

Verse

Galatians 5:13-15

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh ; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

Quote

Matty Mullens,

"The only person you should try to be better than, is the person you were yesterday."

Joke

I tried all morning to cook up an egg-related pun, but I couldn’t crack it.

Verse

Galatians 3:26-29

So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.

Quote

Norman Vincent Peale,

"Change your thoughts and you change your world."

Joke

How can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?

Easy, one will see you later, the other will see you in a while.

Verse

Galatians 3:21-22

Is the law, therefore, opposed to the promises of God? Absolutely not! For if a law had been given that could impart life, then righteousness would certainly have come by the law. But Scripture has locked up everything under the control of sin, so that what was promised, being given through faith in Jesus Christ, might be given to those who believe.

Quote

Arthur Ashe,

"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can."

Joke

What’s the least spoken language?

Sign language.

Verse

1 Peter 2:1

Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. 2Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, 3now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.

Quote

Vince Lombardi,

"Winners never quit, and quitters never win."

Joke

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.

Verse

James 3:3-6

When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

Quote

Arnold Palmer,

"Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you."

Joke

I'm afraid for the calendar.

Its days are numbered.

Verse

James 5:1-6

Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming on you. Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you failed to pay the workers who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter. a You have condemned and murdered the innocent one, who was not opposing you.

Quote

Abraham Lincoln,

"The best way to predict the future is to create it."

Joke

What was even more useful than the first telephone?

The second telephone.

Verse

James 2:1-4

My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

Quote

Arnold Palmer,

"Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you."

Joke

What’s the least spoken language?

Sign language.

Verse

James 1:19-21

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

Quote

Nido Qubein,

"Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start."

Joke

Where do you take someone who’s been in a peek-a-boo accident?

The ICU.

Verse

Psalm 110:1

The Lord says to my lord:
“Sit at my right hand
   until I make your enemies
   a footstool for your feet.”

Quote

Nido Qubein,

"Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start."

Joke

Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity?

It’s impossible to put down.

Verse

Psalm 72:12-14

For he will deliver the needy who cry out,
  the afflicted who have no one to help.
He will take pity on the weak and the needy
   and save the needy from death.
He will rescue them from oppression and violence,
   for precious is their blood in his sight.

Quote

Norman Vincent Peale,

"Change your thoughts and you change your world."

Joke

I recently visited the “World’s Tiniest Wind Turbine” exhibit.

Honestly, not a big fan.

Verse

Psalms 32:8-11

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
   I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.
Do not be like the horse or the mule,
   which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
   or they will not come to you.
Many are the woes of the wicked,
   but the Lord’s unfailing love
   surrounds the one who trusts in him.
Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous;
   sing, all you who are upright in heart!

Quote

Christopher Columbus,

"You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore."

Joke

Don’t trust Adams.

They make up everything.